Sex After Baby: What’s Normal and Why You’re Not Alone

As someone who specializes in perinatal mental health, I speak a lot about intimacy and sex after having a baby. The big question I most often hear is, “When will sex feel normal again?”

The truth is, there’s no simple answer. Everyone’s experience is different, and that’s okay. But research shows that up to 83% of new mothers experience some form of sexual difficulty after childbirth. This could mean anything from low desire and vaginal dryness to pain during intercourse, or just feeling disconnected from her body (Leeman et al., 2021). It’s so common, yet hardly talked about.

A lot of factors come into play here — hormonal shifts, breastfeeding, the physical recovery from childbirth, and of course, the exhaustion that comes with new motherhood. But what’s just as important here are the emotional and mental shifts that happen when you become a parent. Suddenly, your body and identity are changing in ways you never expected, and that’s going to affect your sex life too.

One study found that parents who were able to communicate openly about intimacy had better emotional and physical closeness (Rosen et al., 2019). The key isn’t about going back to how things were before baby — it’s about finding a new way to connect.

If you’re struggling with intimacy, please know you’re relationship is not broken and you’re not failing in any way. This is all part of the process of adjusting to a huge life transition.

Here are a few things to remember based on research:
✔ It’s totally normal for desire to change. For some people, it can take weeks, even months, to feel like yourself again.
✔ Pain during sex is common, but it’s not something you should push through. A pelvic floor therapist can help.
✔ Rebuilding emotional closeness, even through small gestures like non-sexual touching or talking, can strengthen intimacy before sex feels comfortable again.
✔ Honest conversations with your partner are key. This helps reduce shame and create more understanding between you both.

You don’t need to rush anything. You don’t have to feel pressure to “bounce back” immediately. You’re allowed to take your time and navigate this in your own way.

If sex feels off right now, you’re not alone — and there is support. Postpartum intimacy isn’t about going back to how things were. It’s about recreating a new version of intimacy with care, patience, and compassion.