Postpartum Musings: A New Metric for Success
I’m a first-time mom. And I also happen to be someone who luckily works closely with new moms.
Before I had my baby, I had the privilege of sitting with many postpartum women during their most vulnerable time. I thought — maybe a little too confidently — that this inside view gave me a kind of edge. That I’d be more prepared, more grounded, more equipped. I didn’t say it out loud, but somewhere deep down, I assumed I’d be different. That I wouldn’t need to start from scratch.
But the truth is, nothing compares to going through it yourself. Even with all the knowledge and experience I had, I found myself back at the beginning — unsure, overwhelmed, and learning in real time.
And this is the part that’s especially hard: I’m someone who’s always been motivated, competent, and good at what I do. The women I work with are the same — driven, thoughtful, high-achieving. They’ve built careers, managed teams, earned degrees, solved complex problems.
And then they become mothers.
And suddenly, nothing feels familiar. The confidence they’ve always relied on starts to shake. They wonder if they’re doing it all wrong.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
The Myth of Motherhood
There’s a powerful, and harmful, myth that says being a "good mom" should come naturally. That maternal instincts will simply fall into place, and you’ll somehow intuitively know exactly what your baby needs and when — while also taking care of yourself and everyone else around you.
But the truth is: parenting is a brand new adventure. It's a steep, messy, deeply personal learning curve. And for women who are used to feeling competent and successful, the early days of motherhood can feel... a little shocking.
Instead of celebrating the fact that they're learning something completely new (and incredibly complex), many moms I work with — and I felt this myself too — spiral into self-judgment, shame, and the feeling that they're failing at something they should be good at.
Here’s the reality of it: Being a beginner at motherhood isn’t a flaw. It’s the design.
Embracing Shoshin: The Power of Beginner’s Mind
I recently came across the concept of Shoshin — a Zen Buddhist idea that translates to “beginner’s mind.” It’s about approaching something with openness, curiosity, and a willingness to not know. It struck me right away, because it feels so relevant to the season I’m in now.
Shoshin asks us to wipe away our old assumptions ("I should have this figured out") and replace them with new beliefs ("It’s okay that I’m learning").
It reminds us that every expert in every field started out as a beginner, that built their success slowly, with practice, patience, and yes, moments of embarrassment.
In fact, leaning into the awkwardness of being a beginner is the secret ingredient to real growth.
You are supposed to feel a little clumsy at this.
You are supposed to have questions.
You are allowed to not know.
And every time you offer yourself grace instead of criticism, you are building a stronger, more positive foundation of your motherhood — and modeling resilience for your little one too.
A New Kind of Success
In the worlds many of you come from — whether it’s the corporate world, entrepreneurship, fitness, or creative industries — success is often measured by control, expertise, and performance.
I think that Motherhood demands a new kind of metric.
Success here looks like:
Staying curious when things feel hard.
Being gentle with yourself when you stumble.
Asking for help and accepting it.
Celebrating small wins, like getting out the door (even if it takes an hour).
Forgiving yourself quickly and often.
Accepting the season you’re in, even if it’s messy or uncomfortable (it’s always temporary!)
Noticing the moment you’re in, instead of racing ahead to the next one.
When you allow yourself to be a beginner, you give yourself permission to grow into the mother you are meant to be — instead of punishing yourself for not starting out there in the first place.