Postpartum Musings: A Helpful Shift in Perspective
The other night, I was burping my baby while half-watching Love on the Spectrum with my husband. Madison, one of the cast members, mentioned something that really stuck with me—this idea of the gap and the gain.
I paused, rewound, and Googled.
The idea comes from authors Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan. It’s a framework often used by entrepreneurs and professionals, but as I dug deeper, I realized just how relevant it is for new moms, too.
Here’s the gist:
The gap is the distance between where you are now and where you want to be.
The gain is how far you’ve come from where you started.
As new moms, it’s so easy to live in the gap. To think about how we’re not back to our pre-baby routines or bodies, or not bonding the way we thought we would, or not sleeping, moving, or showing up in life like we imagined we would. And when we stay in that headspace too long, we feel like we’re falling short.
The shift is in choosing to live in the gain.
Hardy and Sullivan offer a powerful reframe that’s been really helpful for me:
Sit in the past and consider yourself in the present.
Sit in the future and consider yourself in the present.
It’s a perspective shift that can bring real clarity—and gentleness. Here’s how it plays out for me:
Sitting in the past, looking at the present:
I think about my past self, dreaming of what life with a baby might be like. And now, here I am. In the thick of it. When it’s overwhelming, I try to return to this lens: what I have now is what I deeply longed for then. That version of me would be so fulfilled. This doesn’t mean I have to love every moment—but it helps me stay anchored in gratitude. I remind myself: this is the life I was building toward. And that quiet reminder can soften the hard moments.
Sitting in the future, looking at the present:
When I imagine myself a year from now, I see a woman who feels steady in her role as a mother. From that future version of myself, I look back at where I am now and feel proud. I see someone who’s already more grounded than she realizes. Someone who’s embracing the small joys, like the way my baby sighs when she falls asleep on my chest, or the quiet moments of connection with my husband on the couch.
Both views pull me out of anxiety and self-doubt and help me feel more connected to this moment—not because it’s perfect, but because it’s meaningful.
If you’re in the thick of it, try sitting in the past or future for just a minute—not to dwell, but to notice how far you’ve come or to offer grace to who you are right now.
You’re not behind. You’re becoming.